Mother's Day Message : Perfection is Over-rated

Mother's Day Message : Perfection is Over-rated

Jo Nuske posted 27 Apr 2011

Allow our kids to see us as imperfect parents  : A good example

Kids hate to see their parents fight : the pinnacle of their world, their security and their values revolves around the strength and wisdom of mummy and daddy.  Any two people,  in a partnership relationship are going to disagree with their “other” at some point and the expression of that disagreement can range from loud rage and smashing things to the quiet of the controlled silence: gritted teeth and a refusal to even acknowledge each other’s presence.  Well …….kids are attuned to every nuance of their parents moods and they learn from them.

Neither the uncontrolled rage or the opposite swing of the pendulum : the deadly silence is a balanced reaction and is probably not a great example of how to deal with problems.

It would be nice to think that we can all behave within a certain and controlled parameter of emotion, not too much; not too little………. but sometimes the pressures of paying the bills, juggling the thousand chores, dealing with several different personalities within a household are just the ingredients needed for an explosion.

fighting parents

Balance with Love

However, if these same children witness extreme love and care between these same parents AND receive it themselves, there is the possibility that they will understand that while mum and dad behave as though they hate each other at times, they also love each other and some balance is restored.  

Silly is OK

Then there is the embarrassing example of mum or dad being silly.  Especially in public! Oh My God, they should be old enough to know better! Like the day father decided he would make a long rambling and thoroughly inappropriate speech at a party after having imbibed rather too much wine (the only people embarrassed were his kids). Or the day “muther” laughed so much she wet herself!”  Her answer to that was “when you have had a multitude of children, muscles aren’t as tight anymore……..” and encouraged us to laugh right along with her! 

……………………..Or vulnerable, or make a mistake or get themselves into trouble.

Expecting perfection !

There is actually a greater danger : “My parents never …………….”

Our kids learn not only their behaviour patterns but THEIR EXPECTATIONS of any adult relationship they may form in the future.   If a child has not been allowed to witness the weakness, fears, foibles as well as the strengths of their parents, the expectation of PERFECTION can rear its ugly head.  What is worse, is that mum or dad can become a  “caricature” personality: a two dimensional being without the depth of being human.

Who was mum?”, 

“Oh she always had a wonderful meal on the table, our clothes washed and worked as a………………”

“ Who is dad? 

“ I could never do a job up to dad’s standards, because he was really clever,,,etc.”

These answers indicate that the kids see “what mum and dad do……..not who they are!

En-lighten Up!

What a terrible example to give to our kids! When they can’t come up to mum or dad’s perceived omnipotence, then feelings of inadequacy are the only result and the chances of them finding a sharing, loving and flaw-accepting relationship are pretty slim. 

Teach our kids the value of imperfection, that conflict can be OK; that we are silly sometimes and we have our doubts: that we as parents are not all-seeing and knowing.  When we allow our kids to see us as 4 dimensional human beings, WE ALLOW THEM TO BE TOO. What is more important is that we teach them to be problem solvers, to roll with the punches and the ridiculous and to revel in the unexpected.

Letting go of our need to be perfect

The greatest challenge for that is to stop trying to be perfect ourselves.

So in the spirit of being a wise and flawed woman

"Happy Muther's Day!"

About the author

Jo Nuske
Serene Spirit since Mar, 2016

The spiritual awareness “industry” has boomed since we first launched this website in 2009. My personal journey of learning began 52 years ago when psychic awareness was considered a mental disease. I love the acceptance that now embraces the worl...

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